I haven’t sat down to write in some time. The other day, doing a long run in the sunshine, I thought….where have I gone? It then dawned on me, “Paula has been a little lost.”
Getting too caught up “life”.... Not really my style.
I learned years ago that there are things I cannot, should not, and honestly really do not want to: Control.
Life is so much easier, happier and joyful when I just live and let God have the control He should. Needed a reminder of that.
As most of you know, I had a few races this year that I was planning. Some I have done, some not, and some I had decided to let go of until another year. I got into a serious FUNK this winter/spring. Not wanting to do a whole lot. It happens. I just don’t think a lot of people realize it happens. Not sure if it was necessarily depression, (I'm not into labels) just a lack of wanting to train. I was not completely couch bound, just not into my normal routine. I had decided that I was going to take this year off from racing. I had a few minor set backs through the winter that tried to side-line me. One serious cold that hung on for weeks it seemed and then a diagnosis from my Dr of a “sluggish” thyroid. I knew something wasn’t right. My serious tiredness, sometimes utterly exhausted, my inability to get and stay warm, I just felt “off.” Long story short, we are working on getting that back on track.
Also as women, we tend to want to “fix things” in our lives or get caught up in things that we shouldn’t. That is NOT how I roll…but for a few months, I allowed my self to get swallowed up into aspects that were not mine to dwell over and control. Mentally and physically I needed to get back to myself. I am not a “worrier” not a “follower” not a “drama queen” not a “gossiper” not a “downer” not a “complainer” If things aren’t RIGHT in my life, I change, adapt, and let go, to allow God to take over.
Send Search and Recue out to find Paula, please!
Thank goodness the Life Boat showed up!
Fast forward to now. Mind changed on racing, and moving forward with training. I decided to dive in and hire a coach. That has given me some focus. A plan. I am right back where I love to be. Training hard everyday, back to my yoga practice, back to having my quiet time. God needed to remind me that in the quiet, is where He is. When I get too busy doing “stuff” I have a hard time hearing His still, small, voice. I allowed unnecessary busyness to sneak in where it shouldn’t be, and was not invited to be.
I am on track training for Ironman Canada. Have a ½ marathon this Sunday, Missoula Marathon (in Missoula Montana) and next Sunday, Fueled By Fine Wine ½ (in Dundee Hills/Portland, Oregon) which will fulfill the criteria to become a Half Fanatic, on track for the Chicago Marathon in October (shout out to my RMM girls that are joining me) and have a lot of fun travel and adventure coming up.
Now that I am in the life raft…I am allowing God to lull my life me back to where I love to be. IN the raft, drifting with the current. Slowed down, enjoying the moment, loving the quiet, not sweating the small stuff, getting rid of the “busy,” inviting in the joy, laughing, meditating on His greatness, accepting His grace, enjoying every day that I have left of this fabulous life.
It’s going to be an amazing summer!
~Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 The Message