Just Breathe

Summer is my favorite season of the year.  I am a four-season kind of girl.  Love living in Coeur d’Alene where we have a full four seasons, and adore each one for it’s own beauty.  Winter for its wonderful powder ski days, the lofty snow that we snow-shoe through, seeing the snow-capped mountains that surround us, wearing mittens and fun hats.  Fall for its sunny, crisp days, the gorgeous color of the leaves, and seeing my breath on early morning runs.  The Spring, when we start waking up from a long winter, baby wildlife out in our yard, flowers are poking though the ground, and everything is new again.  But summer is my favorite.  I love the heat, the smell of the lake, feeling sand in my feet, and the good sweat I work up out on workouts in the afternoon. 

Something is different with this summer though.  I feel like for the first time I am floundering.  I suspected this to happen.  Read about this happening, and talked to others about this, but it is weird experiencing this for myself.  That post race, post Ironman let down.  For months, and months, I had complete focus on one thing.  Every ounce of energy, physically and mentally was spent wrapped up in Ironman.  Now the race has come and gone, and although we are still riding that buzz of the race, I feel weary.  Apathetic.  Looking around thinking, “What should I be doing?”  This is normal, I have heard.  But a whole new feeling for me.  I guess I have been so consumed for the past year, juggling life as a mom, wife, homeschooler, athlete, etc, to now…nothing.  I have other races, and places I am going and doing, but not like Ironman.  Not the same intensity, not the distance.  I am still a wife and mother, but school is done for the summer (no homeschooling), and life is slowing down.  Normally, I look forward to this. I am trying to relax.  I am trying to enjoy the beauty of our summer.  Lying in my hammock on our patio, reading, I have this sense that I need to be jumping up to “do” something.  I usually love the laziness of summer.  The long days.  But what should I be “doing” is rambling around in my head this year. Training is still going on, but not the long 6-8 hours/day of training.  I miss it.

I know our summer will be over before we know it.  I want to embrace the glorious weather, sipping wine while eating al fresco downtown, lazing around on the beach or boat, early morning open water swims, Yoga on the beach, walks with my poochies, mountain hikes, reading a book that isn’t a training manual, paddle boarding, spending time with my family and friends, but how…how do I do that while constantly thinking I need to be doing something?  How do I slow it down a bit?  I am usually a “live in the moment” kind of girl, but am having a hard time seeing how awesome, and how needed this moment is right now.  Relax and breathe Paula.  This moment will be gone before you know it.