My husband is telling me I need to be blogging right now. Today?? “Are you kidding me?” is what I am thinking. This is the point in time, that I think I should NOT be blogging. I think, people reading my blog with think I have gone off the deep end. And I am pretty sure I might have. I mean, if I read this…I would think the same thing. Yep, she’s nuts!!
I cannot even begin to put into words what is going on with me physically, and mentally. The tapering for Ironman, the race anticipation, the nerves, the hormones, the energy if this city, my friends, my family is CRAZY. I cried ALL DAY yesterday. It was Father’s Day, and I should have been celebrating the wonderful, amazing husband that I have, and I was crying. Crying. Every single thing mentioned by ANYONE about IM, made me cry. I told Greg before we met with his family, to let them know, not to bring up the race. He told me that was unfair of me to ask. Everyone is so excited. I warned them….and yes, even sitting in a bowling alley yesterday bowling with my in-laws, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, our kids…my mother-in law, mentioned how nice the weather is supposed to be Sunday for Ironman….I started crying. See? Crazy.
Today, I am just sick. I have a lump in my throat, and am nauseous. Having a hard time eating.
Complete basket case. I am going over transition stuff with a fine tooth comb. Over and over. Obsessing about every little thing. Looking at it thinking it is not enough. Each pile. Swim pile, bike pile, run pile, 2 special needs piles (for bike and run special needs) making sure my pills are all in order. Race Caps, Endurolytes, Sportlegs. Thinking about the unknown. What if I get to “Special Needs” on the bike, and my stuff isn’t there. Yes, that happens. Will I have enough fuel on the bike for the ENTIRE 112 miles, just in case? Same with the run. Bags not there, will I have enough on me to finish 26.2 miles?
And the swim…THE SWIM. I have thought about it, drew out maps, visualized where I want to be in the pack of 2500 athletes entering that water. Inside, outside, in the middle?? Front of pack (uh..No way) back of pack…but then I am quicker that back-of-the-packers. Do I want to swim inside the buoys or outside? Inside is nice, because not a lot of people know you can, so less kicks to the face while swimming, but then you deal with the cross-over at the turn around buoy, which you do have to swim around. I am thinking about getting elbowed, kicked, losing goggles (do I wear 2 pair) about the people that will swim over the top of me…yes that happens too. GULP!
Heading into this whole thing, I guess I really never anticipated these feelings. I knew I would be nervous, and anxious, but figured the training would be the hardest part…and it has been long, and hard, but now that I am ready physically, the mental is killing me.
I am up and down like I cannot believe. And this isn’t just me..This is everyone I know training for Ironman. Just this morning I have had my phone ringing off the hook, from friends also racing. Emails are flooding in. Friends are coming into town. What a great support system we have. We talked about this on Saturday during a swim, bike and run we did. So nice to have friends going through the same thing. ALL of us lean on one another. And all of us have different concerns, worries, and it is nice to cheer one another along, because you know tomorrow it will be you freaking out. We have had great BBQ’s together, to take our minds off of things, talk about strategies, have been given great advise from Ironman veterans. The support has been awesome. One of my friends last week, cried all day at work, and told her boss she was quitting. LUCKILY he knew to talk to her, and asked her to wait until AFTER Ironman, to make a decision. Smart man.
Funny thing is, that we all know, we will be fine. This is all normal. The things happening in our bodies....normal. We have all trained hard for a year, or more. We will cross the finish line and hear that we are an Ironman. I know, come Monday morning, next week, we will all gather at Ironman Village as finishers, with our heavy medal, and our finishers shirts, hats, jackets…and wonder what we were all so crazy about. We will be sore, and tired, but laughing, and high-spirited knowing we conquered a giant. And most of us signing up for yet another take at Ironman. Perhaps we are all certifiable.
If I looked at myself from an outsiders view, I would most certainly think I need to be locked up today in a straight jacket with a few lithium injections.
Worth the ups and downs? The crazy taper? The crying jags, the outbursts that come from no where, the irritable bowels, the puke-y stomach, the weak knees, the pit in the stomach sleepless nights, crabby attitude, aches, pains and jitters? I would normally say, ask me the day after Ironman…but I can already say, EVERY SINGLE STEP was worth the journey. Sunday. June 27th. Ironman.
PS: Ask me in 2 minutes, I may have a different answer. HAHAHA